Oh me Oh my I’m 21.

Yesh you might think that I’m still not over with the fact that I’ve reached 21 but yeah! I mean it IS something to talk about for the next 365 & 1/4 days cause I’ll be 21 for the rest of those days and like it or not I’ll just keep reminding you how young and carefree being 21 is!

The perks of being 21 :

#1 I am basically legal for every single thing that has an age limit as the”un-legal” factor dowana use illegal cuz it’s not exactly illegal it’s just NOT legal.

#2 I get to legally with chins up, minus the sneak in criminal style thingy heads up high enter the casino in Genting! and Las Vegas and Macau and win all the money I could spend which of course is awesome if I only win and not lose at all! weee!

#3 er.. I get to vote? Go Parti Pisang!

Well okays maybe there’s nothing really much about being 21 except that

#1 you are being called old now

#2 you are expected to ACT 21. ie maturedly

#3 You have are dog chained around your neck with a key tag and the number 21 there how parents were afraid that people dunno their kid already 21 years OLD

#4 You’re old. Yeah you. I’m young.

    

Funny bones aside, well existing for nearly 21 years is a real blessing for me, of course I thank God for allowing this toy of yours to still stay on the board of the game.

Last night when I slept, I had these flashback on how I’ve grown over the years. From being this timid little girl to a pretty much less timid and more loudly      declare-fying ladeyh.

From this 10 year old shy girl who' feels that touching a guy *hand brushed or whatever that is minor minor besides a handshake* is nonsensical and cannot be tolerated as it is defined as a undercover molestation of us girls’ dignity to being really open minded on how the world works nowadays, feeling almost numb and neutral and surprisingly mature over issues like sex and relationships.

Yes I remember how I was the happily ever after person who believes in forever and ever and love only comes once which sometimes I’d like to still believe that since I still have not find “the one” I used to differentiate liking and loving so clearly that I was VERY convinced that I only liked my ex boyfriend and never loved him prolly watch too much of american movies/dramas (Charmed!!) that I got the whole dating idea in my head and love is a serious commitment pre-requisite matter.

Now yes I still believe in love. And I also believe that people CAN date and only date without the love coming in. I don’t know about falling in love yes still quite particular in the love matter but I have did felt awfully hurt both physically and emotionally (with literal heart pains) before which I dunno if it could be a sign that I DID fell in love or that I just got hurt over something that I could not keep.

Though many things that may have changed, my attitude, my social skills LMFAO and what not, but I think my lack of self assurance and self confidence still is stuck here in me. The lack of self affirmation and the strength is still not dug out. As much as I have convinced myself that I’m there and that I know what I want to be and where I wanna be, I pretty much am still beating around the bush.

But nevertheless I know I HAVE grown over the years. I am brave to do things that I never thought I’d face and I am proud of myself somehow.

If I suddenly wake up and find myself 13 again, I may not change my choices in life. Maybe I would change the way I do things but I really wouldn’t mind going through the same things again, knowing the same people all over again.

But if I WERE to change my mind, I’d probably be in New Zealand now. OR in Nottingham doing my degree. Working my ass off for exams. hmm.. THAT I might would reconsider choosing.

Cai Hong did this birthday post for me (see it here) and she commented that I am a very honest nice blogger and really, that was sweet of her, but that at the same time makes me think if everyone does think of me that way.

I believe one way of growing up is to know what people think of you. My supervisors look up to me so well that sometimes I don’t believe it. LOL. That one day when I decided to be firmer in my standings and distributed my work, I felt like I’m being looked at as a bitchy bossy person. But I know I should never think like that or I’d never succeed in being a leader.

That I must change.

Being 21, which means that I have had 21 years of knowing people, having known 505 friends well at least that’s based on facebook Somehow or rather I’m just attached to these few people in my life.

Knowing them for like what? almost a decade just sounds ridiculous cuz I still feel like we are still those kiddos in form 2, playing Pokemon and those funny games we drew on our exercise books and titik-titik game. I’m grateful that eventhough we changed a lot, we still revert back to out children self when in each other’s company. We’ve seen each other in laughter and tears, good and bad and maybe unexpected times too times. Another thing I’m grateful. And plus the fact that they would layan me bitching around and reply to all my nonsense ^^

Mom and dad. Oh and of course dear sis. They’ve stood up to 21 years of my nonsense, listening to my school bff dramas and recently about boys when I finally told my dad all the boy issues I faced during school times lol , about teachers and about all my insecureness. I know me and my parents are not as open as some of you may be and sometimes it just makes me feel lonely cuz once my besties are gone I have no one to turn to but my pillow. But you both were still there whenever I need you.

Thanks mum for being so thrifty to save all the money we can save and to keep everything at home in order so that we could do everything we want though yes I know I still piss you off sometimes. She’s more of the iron lady type and she’s really shy like that not much of a PDA person lol. so I thought I might just write it here to let her know somehow if she happens to read this on how exactly I feel for her. She knows I love her. just that probably it’s just how we were brought up that there sometimes is a gap. MUM I WANT TO BE PAMPERED! I know I’m a naughty daughter. But sometimes all I want is to snuggle on her lap and make her treat me like a 5 year old again. LOL I know I’m kinda LOA (that’s Lack of attention for you mum if you don’t get acronyms).

Dad  was the real shrink in the house cuz he basically talks to us and install all those life philosophy in our OS all through the years of growing up. And I would very much want to believe that thanks to all those talks on life, learning, attitude, & relationships. I am proudly who I am today because of him. Even I am surprised on how maturedly I could embrace criticism and obstacles in life. How brave I was to deal with relationships and whatnot. And I am glad that I did leave my dad’s heart in peace with him knowing that I would not do any nonsensical things that would doom my future. I’m grateful that he trust me enough to not put a curfew on me. As much as curfews might not mean anything to you but the feeling of the trust your parents give to you JUST by not putting a curfew is really heart-touching. Seriously.

Really this was supposed to be a full photo post but I guess I was just suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of turning 21 someway somesort I turned emo but yeah I guess the full photo post gotta wait again LOL

So really. 21 doesn’t really make any difference. Nothing much of a significant thing. just another birthday. While I was trying to look for the significance in it, all the topic above just came upon me. And so I’ll just write all of it down and be emo lol.

I sometimes wonder what EXACTLY does a 21 year old SHOULD be achieving by now, seeing people with career already, own business, family, a life. Nowadays things are just so advanced and forward that there’s no longer time to take time to comprehend and youngsters just cannot fathom the direction anymore.

Maybe I really just need to grow up?

*shrugs*

*Imma finally post this up!*

I’m grateful to have been through these 21 years of my life.

Aweshum.

Good night.